Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Pics are Worth a Thousand Reads

So today I had an epiphany. I was mulling over what a true blog failure I am- I've seriously had a blog for two whole years and I still only have 9 followers. And as much as I would like for you to think that it was my superb writing skills and sharp wit that brought them here, it wouldn’t be fair of me to let you believe that’s the case. One gave birth to me for god’s sakes. She would follow me anywhere. Six others are very close friends and/or family, but the last two I can take credit for…they organically came to follow my blog and I have no idea who they are. Woohoo!

Actually boo. That’s horrible.

One new follower per year…really? Quick fact: approximately 150 people per year die from head injuries due to falling coconuts. You do realize the implication here…I mean, more people will be KILLED by a COCONUT this year than will read my blog?

So back to my epiphany…

I asked myself earlier “what do really successful blogs have that mine doesn’t?” Aside from a point, I noticed that there were a lot of pictures. Even stupid pictures! Just pictures! Like this…

That actually made a lot of sense to me once I thought about it a bit more. Most people are pretty damn stupid easily entertained! Of course, they would rather look at pictures than make any effort to read actual words. I’m just going to have to stop drinking so much being so verbose and start including some visual entertainment!

In other news, I’m going to go home and Zumba tonight. As I mentioned here last week, I’m carrying around a few extra “Christmas gifts” if ya know what I’m sayin’…holiday souvenirs in the form of L-B’s. In case you haven’t seen Zumba, it’s a combination of hip-hop, Latin dancing, and even some Indian dancing mixed in there. Looks like this:

Although I know I look more like this:

Nite nite bloggers. :)

Monday, January 2, 2012

Hey Professor, Where is the Wine?

Ahh...the last day of my vacation is finally upon me. What is it about time off that makes it fly by so quickly? It's one of life's great paradoxes I guess...I have had Monday mornings that seemed to have taken longer than the 15 days I've just blown through. Like time stealing my vacation, the impending return to work has stolen my happiness tonight. Although, for the record, my jeans are begging me to get back in my routine because holiday cookies have stolen my size 3. My ass now has a faster growth rate than the Federal deficit.

All self-deprecating aside, I have had quite a bit more time than usual to catch up on my "Facebook News Feed". Forgive the positive intonation there- this is actually an unfortunate situation. I really could've done more with my down time (there I go self deprecating again).

But anyway, as I was perusing through my friends' Status Updates, I couldn't help but notice all of the new tattoo photos that some of my friends have so proudly shared. In addition to all of the peace signs, nautical stars and tribal bands, I noticed that there is a new "tat-trend" emerging. It's the token "favorite movie" tat. You know, tattoos of character's faces or quotes from your favorite flick.

I like to think I'm cool and all, but I have no tats to represent the motion picture that is nearest and dearest to my heart. I can't think of anything from my favorite movie, Under the Tuscan Sun, that I could convert into any street-cred-building body ink.

I briefly entertained the prospect of a portrait of Diane Lane's face on my arm - or even the face of that Asian lady who co-stars (you know...the um...Asian looking one from Grey's Anatomy?). Also, a Tuscan farmhouse complete with a cobblestone patio, where I could use my ashy/dry legs for an even more realistic cobblestone affect. I could see this fitting nicely on one of my calves. Or, maybe quotes from the movie that I find to be particularly profound, such as "Can you star-69 Italy?" and "Hey Professor, where is the wine?" Either would wrap nicely in script around an ankle or wrist.

But I just can't do it. I'm going to bank on the fact that not everyone has a tattoo-able favorite movie. What about the poor souls who love The Sound of Music? Do you really want to tattoo a giant pile of sh*t on your body just to pay tribute? I think not. What about all those Tom Greene movies? I'm sure nobody knows how to accurately illustrate a total douche-bag anyway. Really, what does that even look like? And who can forget those faithful Speed fans? They can't get Keanu Reeves saying "if he gets the money he wins, if the bus blows up he wins" because they don't make meat-head-surfer font.

With that, I will sign off and defer to those who can truly grasp this trend. Here's looking at you, kid. Yes, that's from someone's Casablanca tat...