Friday, February 18, 2011

Gladys and the Fast Guidettes

First of all I would just like to apologize to my plethora of followers (and by that I mean the seven of you) who probably thought I fell off the blogger bandwagon. The good news- or bad if you didn't like my blogs- is that I didn't. Inconsistency is kind of how I roll. It's not that I couldn't be consistent, but the truth is, blogging is like 42nd on my priority list each day. And I'm only one human so I typically make it through #12 or so on average.

What's inspiring tonight's rant is the ever so popular show Jersey Shore, and how it's helped me realize that I've become an old woman. This is disturbing to me because I'm not yet into my late 20's. I have no idea whether that is a negative or positive thing, but for me it just is.

So last night before bed I clicked "play" on my tivo, ready to indulge in the guilty pleasure that is Jersey shore. I have NO idea why I expected to react like a typical 25 year old, but my guess is it's because I'm 25. I laughed like everyone does while watching the show, but of course the 76 year old woman inside me starts nagging at me for contributing to the exploitation of America's trashy youth. It's actually a miserable existence to have this constant internal battle. Imagine Jiminy Cricket, but female, human, and old enough to qualify for a senior citizen discount at your local Denny's. Sometimes I'm so grateful for the old hag, but other times I really resent the fact that someone's pessimistic and super conservative granny decided to die and reincarnate in my brain. Let's just call this alter-ego, Gladys.

So back to my story, Gladys starts in on me as Snooki (the hairy one who is more spherical in body type than a bowling ball) sleeps with yet ANOTHER guy on national television. These guidos and guidettes, as they're called, are more promiscuous than what I imagine the 60's to have been like. And let me tell you, I've always imagined the 60's to have been pretty damn crazy.

So thanks to Gladys, in addition to "where's my ben-gay," I start thinking "oh no. These poor kids (who are almost my age) are never going to have a future. Who is ever going to hire them now that they've aired their dirty laundry on national television?" And if you haven't seen the show, I'm not talking got-too-drunk-and-threw-up dirty laundry. I'm talking about the kind of dirty laundry you would see at a retirement home where they had run out of Depends and served chili for dinner. It's HORRID laundry to be quite frank.

I'm wondering how this is affecting our impressionable youth. I'm all for women's lib but I don't think you can maintain a classy image after sleeping with every d-bag in Seaside Heights. Who's gonna want to marry you later? We women have to think about these things. Double standard or not, it's just reality. And we can't just rebel in hopes of overturning it. It's not going to change. I liken it to the whole push for green living and reducing your carbon footprint thing. Everyone says " just do your part" right? Even a little bit counts. I'd contend that all of us women should just do our part, with regard to maintaining a little class for our gender.

I do want to make it VERY clear that I think men should do their part too, but I'm not a man. I'm a woman, I can only change how I think about this issue. The guys on Jersey Shore definitely disgust me, and I think sleeping with one of them is more high risk than smoking five packs of marlboro's a day for eighty years while praying for cancer.

On that note, I don't think old Gladys is going anywhere, so I'm kinda SOL.